Q: I’ve been casually dating this guy for a month or so. At first, I barely even noticed how often he was mentioning his ex (I’m a pretty down to earth girl). But recently, it’s really starting to bug me! How do I get him to stop without coming off crazy clingy?

Ha! I love this scenario. You’re stuck at a fork in the road: path to the left tells you to stand your ground and demand his full attention; path on the right tells you stay cool, he’ll think you’re a psycho cling machine… you don’t want him running away from you. So what do you do? Do you suffer in silence or risk it all for sanity?

Here’s the bottom line: If you don’t speak up, the suffering will speak for itself. What you think you’re slyly hiding will find a way to manifest itself. We’re human and love – or simple attraction – makes us vulnerable, no matter how invincible you think you are. The obvious answer is to speak up.

But it’s obviously not that simple, is it? Especially if you’ve been ‘casually’ dating for such a short amount of time. You wonder if you even have the right to demand anything at all… Well, you do.

You’re the one sitting across the table from him having to hear all about his trip to Colorado w/ his pretty blonde ex girlfriend. And it’s your vagina, your heart and your self esteem that’s at stake, not hers. You have every right to ask him to respect the fact you’re not interested in dating his ex and that you’d rather not hear her life’s story. If, for whatever reason, he’s unable to respect your wishes, take it as a warning sign: that’s how he will likely deal w/ all of your requests.

If you’re curious to know whether he still has feelings for his ex, ask. (Once.)

Be as direct as you can be and tell him it makes you uncomfortable.. If he goes cross eyed, switch the scenario and ask him how he’d feel if the roles were reversed.

Most guys are just oblivious and all you should have to do is bring it up nicely. If that doesn’t work, try telling him about your ex’s huge penis and his ability to go down on you from behind. Maybe that’ll teach him a lesson.

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