ASK CHIARA: I Want to Cheat
Q: Hi Chiara. I’m writing you because I can’t ask my friends and my boyfriend is my best friend (but I can’t ask him for advice on this subject lol) I work 6 days at a restaurant and I have a huge crush on my manager. He’s single and totally available and he’s made it pretty obvious that he wants to hook up. I’ve been with Dave* for 16 months, roughly, and he’s a pretty good guy. BUT I DON’T THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN WE HAVE SEX! It happened once a few times ago, I thought about my coworker and fantasized about him instead. It was AWESOME!! And ever since then all I want is to be with him – I’m OBSESSED. I think I really want to cheat. I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend because I’m scared he’ll leave and if things don’t work out with my coworker .. well YOU KNOW! Hahaha. So what do I do? I love your site and you give such good advice.
Hhahah. Slut. Ok, I’m just kidding. I will say, however, if you’re coming here asking for permission to be a cheater, you’re not going to get it and here’s why: Although I generally understand cheating, I don’t condone it. I’m all for slut baggin’, but on an honest level. But let’s address the many jumbled points of your email.
1. You obviously can’t ask your boyfriend whether or not you should cheat on him – but what you CAN do is ask yourself if this is something you’d be okay doing. It’s easy to fantasize but we don’t all have cheating bones inside our bodies.
2. If you work 6 days in a restaurant, when do you have time for your boyfriend? That probably has a lot to do with the fact you’re being tempted elsewhere. You also probably have a crush on your manager because he’s in a position of power – albeit, relative, but still, power nonetheless. He’s probably made it obvious he wants to hook up because you’re taken, it’s a chase, and it’ll be exactly that: a hook up. Once the orgasm is said and done, you’re left to dry in the street corner. But I digress…
3. Dave sounds like a nice guy, and although you don’t have to think of your lover every time you bone him, it should be most of the time. So if you’re mentally screwing manager, that’s a bit rude. Imagine the reverse: He’s been mind sleeping with Becky from the bank. Oh. You’re so hot. But on a serious note, the reason it was AWESOME is because sex is party mental, too. And if you mind orgasm, you’re likely to real orgasm just as quick.
4.If you break up with your boyfriend, he probably will leave – but that’s the typical, sane reaction to getting dumped.If you’re keeping him around for security, you’re being nothing short of an unfair bitch. Your boyfriend is not a back up, it doesn’t work that way.
Your head is elsewhere. Right now it’s manager, tomorrow it’ll be custodian. You shouldn’t be with your boyfriend, so have the decency to end it before you go sleep with someone else. Wouldn’t you like the same respect if the roles were reversed? Or would you like to remain a back up plan if his slutty mistress ends things. It’s not fair to anyone – not even yourself.
Did I miss anything, everyone? Anyone care to add to the advice here?
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