dating advice

ASK CHIARA: I Want to Cheat

Posted May 15 2012 by Chiara in  with 4 Comments

Qdating advice: Hi Chiara. I’m writing you because I can’t ask my friends and my boyfriend is my best friend (but I can’t ask him for advice on this subject lol) I work 6 days at a restaurant and I have a huge crush on my manager. He’s single and totally available and he’s made it pretty obvious that he wants to hook up. I’ve been with Dave* for 16 months, roughly, and he’s a pretty good guy. BUT I DON’T THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN WE HAVE SEX! It happened once a few times ago, I thought about my coworker and fantasized about him instead. It was AWESOME!! And ever since then all I want is to be with him – I’m OBSESSED. I think I really want to cheat. I don’t want to break up with my boyfriend because I’m scared he’ll leave and if things don’t work out with my coworker .. well YOU KNOW! Hahaha. So what do I do? I love your site and you give such good advice.

Hhahah. Slut. Ok, I’m just kidding. I will say, however, if you’re coming here asking for permission to be a cheater, you’re not going to get it and here’s why: Although I generally understand cheating, I don’t condone it. I’m all for slut baggin’, but on an honest level. But let’s address the many jumbled points of your email.

1. You obviously can’t ask your boyfriend whether or not you should cheat on him – but what you CAN do is ask yourself if this is something you’d be okay doing. It’s easy to fantasize but we don’t all have cheating bones inside our bodies.

2. If you work 6 days in a restaurant, when do you have time for your boyfriend? That probably has a lot to do with the fact you’re being tempted elsewhere. You also probably have a crush on your manager because he’s in a position of power – albeit, relative, but still, power nonetheless. He’s probably made it obvious he wants to hook up because you’re taken, it’s a chase, and it’ll be exactly that: a hook up. Once the orgasm is said and done, you’re left to dry in the street corner. But I digress…

3. Dave sounds like a nice guy, and although you don’t have to think of your lover every time you bone him, it should be most of the time. So if you’re mentally screwing manager, that’s a bit rude. Imagine the reverse: He’s been mind sleeping with Becky from the bank. Oh. You’re so hot. But on a serious note, the reason it was AWESOME is because sex is party mental, too. And if you mind orgasm, you’re likely to real orgasm just as quick.

4.If you break up with your boyfriend, he probably will leave – but that’s the typical, sane reaction to getting dumped.If you’re keeping him around for security, you’re being nothing short of an unfair bitch. Your boyfriend is not a back up, it doesn’t work that way.

ChiaraSays

Your head is elsewhere. Right now it’s manager, tomorrow it’ll be custodian. You shouldn’t be with your boyfriend, so have the decency to end it before you go sleep with someone else. Wouldn’t you like the same respect if the roles were reversed? Or would you like to remain a back up plan if his slutty mistress ends things. It’s not fair to anyone – not even yourself.

Did I miss anything, everyone? Anyone care to add to the advice here?

Check out my book and get a free chapter if you sign up for the kick ass newsletter

Categories: 

Popular Posts

Related Posts

  • AccordingtoJewels

    Chiara nailed it. I was ALMOST with you until you said you didn’t want to leave your boyfriend prior to seeing what went on with your manager cause…”you know”. If you aren’t strong enough to be on your own and need a “back up plan” then you have a problem far worse than being a want to be cheater. 

    Push comes to shove you aren’t married, you don’t have kids, and if you aren’t even thinking of your man anymore when you have sex then move on. The manager won’t last but after him it’ll be somebody else who shows interest, and so on and so on. Maybe relationships aren’t your thing and you should rock being single and free to flirt/sleep with guys who catch your eye? Either way, cheating is not the answer here. Address the root of the problem. 

  • http://www.romanceneverdies.com/ Grace Pamer

    Great advice Chiara,

    It’s all well and good fantasizing but there’s a huge difference between that and carrying out the act.  Once you cheat you have to live with your conscience.  Some people can but most can’t and you’ll end up acting differently with your partnet so no doubt he’ll work out something is up anyway.  Do you really want to hurt him because one way or the other, once you cross that line, you will – or at least yourself.

    Either break up with him and then go ahead with your manager or give up on this.  It sounds like you’re not that into your boyf so maybe best to break up and leave yourself open for such opportunities.  Better than living a lie.

  • Jnjm62

    The only thing you missed was that nothing is a good in real life as it is in a fanatasy oh and cheating is the cowards way I say coward because a cheater is to scared to end one relationship and try another one they just want to have it all and that is not one…………pick a guy you silly bitch……………..sorry my bad shouldn’t call people silly bitches but hell this is how I feel…………..so deal……………

  • http://www.mscheevious.com/ Ms. Cheevious

    how did i miss this? one thing you missed, is – well – the fact that she is trying to SPICE things up perhaps?  have things gotten dull at home, and that is WHY she works 6 days and has more time for her co-workers?  If it’s at all dull, it may help to address that on her own first.  how can you spice things up at home. then talk about it with her man… but yes – unfair bitch if she just stays with the guy for security.  that’s no good. xoxo Chiara – you rock baby girl!