…But What a Shitty Kisser (And 9 Other Dating Buzzkills)
You know the dating buzzkill well. Everything is picture perfect until you find one thing that you just can’t shake off. For me, it was a crooked nose. There are some buzzkills that everyone can relate to, yes, but are they always dealbreakers? Let’s take a look at a few common ones that can lead us to throw our hands up in defeat.
10 Major Dating Buzzkills
The Shitty Kisser
This happens so often, it’s really important to take a step back to analyze the situation: how bad is it, really? Are you dealing with a sloppy kisser or a throat molester? This, to me, is one of the biggest buzzkills ever, especially if you could have sworn up and down that there was strong sexual tension between you.
Is it a deal breaker? Depends on how bad the kissing is. And on how willing to learn you think your date would be. If the case is tragic, I’d recommend moving on. (Unless, of course, you think you’re dealing with a potential soulmate)
Bad in the Sack
Everything is great leading up to it but the second things start happening, things get awkward – really quick. It could be the sex lasts too long or no time at all; that your buzzkill of a date goes too fast or too slow; or that weird dolphin noises come out of holes you never knew existed. Whatever it is that’s killing the mood, it’s not being gentle about it.
Is it a deal breaker? Eh. Probably. But only because you don’t want to put yourself through the bad to hopefully get to the good. With patience, you can guide someone towards good love making. But be aware, it takes a lot of patience and giggles through awkward moments.
Nothing says buzzkill like seeing your new crush lean over to reveal a tribal tattoo. On ladies, it’s the lower back. On guys, it’s anywhere on their body (tribal bands should be removed from tattoo parlors).
Is it a deal breaker? Depends. Is your date all about it? If the tramp stamp is being shown off with pride (which makes sense since it is permanent) you should accept the fact you’re dealing with a douche bag. If it was a drunken mistake, weigh out the pros and the cons: Well, he does have a Masters Degree …
You’re groping in the cab on the ride home from the movies. You stumble out, giggling, fantasizing about the moment you step into his place and EW! Is that moldy cheese in the fruit bowl? Unless you’re into shagging to the sound of cockroaches prancing around you, this is a pretty big buzzkill.
Is it a deal breaker? Look for signs: Does it seem like the apartment is in it’s usual state? Consider the fact he may not have been expecting company, or that he might not have had any time to clean. If you see mold growing anywhere, you’re dealing with a slob.
Shit job (or no job) and proud of it!
Your date doesn’t have to be a company CEO, but it’s nice to meet someone with ambitions. In today’s economy, getting a good job – or any job, for that matter – is harder than it used to be. Having said that, there’s a difference between someone flipping burgers because he’s trying to pay his way through college and someone flipping burgers to support a heroin addiction. Know when to tell the difference.
Is it a deal breaker? Depends which burger flipper you’re dealing with.
Jealous Cling Machine
You hit it off and everything seems perfect. The first couple of times you two hung out, your date brags about his ability to ‘shrug things off’ and how absolutely ‘down-to-earth’ he was with all of his exes. Then, date 4 happens and you’re suddenly dealing with Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction.
Is it a deal breaker? Absolutely. This is not something that can be changed. And if it can be changed, you’re not the one to do it. Save yourself by making a run for it while you can.
Likes to Par-tay
We all like to occasionally get a little loose. Heck, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still smoke ganja; some of the most talented artists have a love affair with whisky. But when your date offers you a bump of blow (cocaine), it’s easy to forget that thing you both had in common. Love for African orphans, anyone?
Is it a deal breaker? Yes. Unless you want your bank account to be responsible for putting them through rehab. Well, it’s not always a deal breaker. If, for example, you’re dealing with someone willing to give it all up (without the aid of a rehab center), then there might be hope.
Hooked on an ex
You both like Indian food, hiking and playing Wii Tennis – perfect. Until you realize the one thing you don’t have in common is the addiction to an ex lover. Watch out for signs: walking through memory lane about an ex, inexplicable hatred towards an ex, and/or the ex showing up on your date. (It’s been known to happen)
Is it a deal breaker? Depends how hooked your date seems. If he’s stabbing his steak while grunting his ex’s name, you should probably call for the check (and leave before it arrives). If there’s unresolved issues, you don’t want to be the one to deal with them. They have funny ways of manifesting themselves.
Still living with mommy and daddy
Not that you mind having your date over at your place all of the time, or anything…. but c’mon. The few times he sneaks you in through the basement, you have to keep the moans down to a whisper? What’s the fun in that, what are you… 13?
Is it a deal breaker? Unless he was one of the unlucky fucks to lose their job during this recession or there’s a rare circumstance like a sick parent, yes, this is a deal breaker. Independence is a must if you hope to have a chance at a successful relationship. But hey, making babies in a basement and having wonderfully cooked meals – just like he likes mommy to make ‘em – can’t be all bad, can it? Yes. Run.
Bad breath and/or overall hygiene
Everything is fireworks up to the moment you finally get close.. then.. body odor explodes in your face. You can try your hardest to ignore it but sometimes there’s no shaking breath that smells like an unwashed armpit.
Is it a deal breaker? Consider the slight chance you’re dealing with someone who has a genuine medical condition. In that case, you make the final call: Is it worth it? If you’re dealing with someone rebelling against his shower, you can try to make a case for hygiene but people like that rarely do a 180. They’re also probably harboring multiple international diseases..
Some buzzkills are worth the boot, others stand a chance. Weigh out the pros and cons and remember that you might be doing some buzz killing of your own.