Giving up the Dick: Relationships and Insults |

Home / Giving up the Dick: Relationships and Insults

Giving up the Dick: Relationships and Insults

Posted Jul 20 2011 by Chiara in Relationships with 1 Comment

You know that couple well; once they start bickering it’s only a matter of time until insults are thrown around alongside threats of breaking up. If you don’t know who that couple is, chances are you’re it. Why is this so common? When did letting someone you love call you names become okay?

It’s definitely not your partner’s charm that attracts you, I can tell you that. If you could take a step back – which is physically impossible with the restraints of love and infatuation – you’d soon realize you look quite pathetic taking such horrid beatings. In fact, if your best friend was getting treated that way, you’d probably fight like a Spartan to get them away from their partner. The sad thing is, insults don’t usually come alone; they show up hand in hand with other destructive behaviors such as possessiveness, physical abuse, manipulation and rape.

Your boyfriend should never call you a whore or treat you like you’re an idiot. A girl should never embarrass you in public and call you a dumbshit – in private or public. The second you feel your partner is insulting you to get something he/she wants, listen to your gut; you’re probably right. If you worry about going out in public together, you probably have a reason to; LISTEN. Making you feel worthless in order to feel more powerful is the biggest red flag being waved. You are no one’s fucking punching bag.

So why do you tolerate being treated like shit?

You think you don’t deserve any better: Perhaps the mean words constantly radiating from your partner have finally settled in; you believe you’re worthless and that no one else would want you.
Because the good times are good: What’s it matter if you’re put to shame in front of a group of friends? Or if late night abusive, possessive texts keep you up crying all night? When you two are good, you’re great
It’s a challenge: Soon enough, you’re convinced you’ll find a way to stand up for yourself and show your partner you’re not the piece of shit he/she thinks you are. You’re translating the behavior into being a judgement call on your character and you’re ready to do anything it takes to change your partner’s mind about you.
You’re in too deep: You’re smitten one minute and the next you don’t know how things got so bad. It’s almost as if you’ve blacked out and a piece of time is missing from your memory. Somehow, you’ve become THAT person, embarrassed and constantly degraded, and you have no clue how to get out.
You’re scared or you’d feel guilty about leaving: Abusers are crafty manipulators; they will use whatever tactics they need to in order to keep what they want. It may mean putting up a front about how badly they didn’t mean what they said the night before or it may mean plainly threatening you for even considering leaving.

How to kick the habit:

Assuming this isn’t a dangerous situation, walking away is easier than you think. Realize that your hesitation to make a change lies in one of two courts: either you don’t think you’re strong enough or leaving simply doesn’t make sense because this is all that you’ve known. In the latter case, you’ve simply become addicted to the poison. But never underestimate the power of rehab. Just because it’s all you’ve known doesn’t mean it has to be all you’ll ever know. Your friends want to help but no matter what they say you go back to the beatings; realize that you’re the only one that can make the change.

And if you don’t think you’re strong enough, I’m here to tell you that you are. You DO deserve better. Being insulted and treated like a subordinate is not part of a healthy relationship. Believe it or not, there are loving, nurturing people out there who would never dare to hurt you. Leave the relationship you’re in and give them a chance to approach.

If you genuinely cannot see the problem in such behavior then it is YOU that needs to seek help, immediately.

There will always be shitty people out there; you just need to be armed and ready to fight them off and protect yourself accordingly.