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Guest Post: Sex On the First Date?

Posted Jun 7 2011 by Chiara in  with 6 Comments

I think it was Stacey Dash who said that she had sex with each of her husbands on the first date. Considering she has been married four times I don’t know whether to be optimistic or pessimistic about that admission. You see, the dating game has definitely changed. And the availability of sex is one of the biggest changes. Women have taken the choice to have sex into their own hands and instead of letting society dictate when, where, and how they should have sex, more and more of them are having sex when they want, despite certain stigmas that still linger about women who have sex more freely and frequently.

Sex is no longer a numbers game for women, though there are a few women still out there, who aren’t having sex of course, who remain proud of their low partner numbers. And I’m thinking-why? I still hear women harp on the old adage “why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” when what we should be saying is, “why buy the car without checking out the equipment first?”. We live in a society where we are always trading up, always looking for the next best thing-and the sooner the better. Men are looking for strong, independent women. They have gotten used to a woman who is comfortable enough with herself to have sex whenever she feels right, not when society says she should. Women sitting back waiting and sticking to traditional norms, are getting left behind and are ending up dateless. Am I saying that you should give it up to every man who comes along? -no, unless you want to. What I am saying is to quit over thinking it, having so many rules, and just live.

Sex on the first date is still a touchy topic. I think everyone should experience what its like to have a one night stand… But I am not like most girls either. I get a thrill out of trying the unknown, pushing life to the limits, doing things at the drop of a dime that I may have never dreamed of doing. My goal in life: to be happy everyday and to have no regrets. And so far- I have none. Like Stacey Dash, there have been men that I have had sex with on the first date… And I have a parade of lovesick exes to prove that sex sooner in the dating process does not lessen your chances of snagging the guy, that is unless your sex is really bad, in which case you might wanna hold out until you can get him to fall in love before you ruin it with your stiff and boring sex. But I believe anyone can learn anything, and believe me, sex should be at the top or your list of things to know how to do well. It is the greatest tool that us women have to use with our men and when used properly, can lead you to be very happy in your relationship.

I’m not looking to raise up an army of promiscuous women, just an army of intelligent, sure about themselves, awesome, secure women, not afraid to express themselves in spite of cultural stigmas.

Until next time,

Xo maneater

 

 

Angela Jordan is the creator of Maneaters Blog , a dating and relationship columnist, and a self proclaimed ManEater on a mission to change the dating game one lovesick woman at a time. Contact her at angie@maneatersblog.com

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  • http://www.buddahkitty.com Buddahkitty

    Well I totally agree with you. Why would I want to invest your time with someone who is inadequate in that department. I’m all for trying out the bull so the cow will be happy :) I know sex isn’t everything, but it is important to have that chemistry.

    I think the reason those few girls out there has that antiquated look on sex is because lots of men do also, so peer pressure or what not. Why can’t women have sex like men and still be respected. Hmm that would be a whole other article maybe. :-)

  • http://www.chiarasays.com Chiara

    You’re supposed to hold out so that your potential partner doesn’t bail after he gets some right away.. But that’s going with the assumption that getting laid is the ultimate goal.. Is that the kind of guy you should be aiming to date anyway? Hm..

    Thank you so much for your wonderful contribution to the website!

  • http://moldychristmascake.wordpress.com Girl 26

    Yeah, women should definitely not abstain until they’re “in love.” Part of knowing you want to be with a guy is knowing if you’re physically compatible. But I’m still not sure about giving it up on the first date….unless he’s that hot.

  • http://www.maneatersblog.com Angela Jordan

    thanks Chiara for the opportunity to share my thoughts and thank you to all who read! Hope you enjoyed!!

  • Shawna

    I agree with your article. Thank you for writing i! There is a double standard and it simply isn’t fair. That being said, we are not living in a vacuum. It would seem it is predominately women who are expected to pace the beginning of the physical intimacy in a relationship including whether or not to have sex on the first date. Why is this not shared? From experience, I have concluded deep social conditioning makes it one sided for the most part.

    So, since good sex involves more than just a physical exchange… good conversation, flirtation, innuendo, trust and respect… apparently if a woman unleashes her true spirit there is some unwritten code that she really does not require much effort, almost like she has been dropped into the “slut/easy” box. Deeply saddening.

    I am seasoned with trying to push these boundaries. Alas, I have come to understand that if I need to create the conditions for good love, and I have to work with outdated notions… so be it. While I may have the fortitude to live by my own standards, the reality is that it does have an impact on the quality of men that I will have access to. Simply the reality. As time goes by, I share with men that yes… I wanted sex much sooner, but we are not equals yet in embracing female sexuality so I empowered myself to create the right conditions… someday, in our society, in heterosexual relationships the genders will share this responsibility more fully I hope…

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