Mommy caught you whacking it when you were a kid and the lingering awkwardness at the breakfast table branded the deed as something to be embarrassed about. Your religion preached that pleasuring yourself made you a sexual deviant. And your mother told you you’d grow hair on your hands. If you were a boy, you had to deal with the moment your parents realized you had discovered masturbation. And despite the agony, you had it better off that the girl next door. No parent wants to believe their little 13 year old girl is upstairs exploring her genitals. So they don’t. And all of the sudden, a woman’s sexuality is a big surprise to everyone. But that’s a whole other article…

Most of us get past teenage embarrassment and embrace our sexual curiosity. Everything is fine and dandy until you begin sharing your life with another person, right? All of the sudden it’s, “You should be getting off to thoughts of me! Not Tara Patrick!” and “Am I doing something wrong in bed? Why do you feel the need to seek pleasure elsewhere?” … “What can that mechanical thing do for you that my tongue can’t?” Or better yet, “There’s gotta be something wrong with you, this much masturbation CAN NOT be normal..”

Masturbation: A Reality

Let’s dive into the basics first. Masturbation IS healthy, despite articles that tell you otherwise (you’ve gotta read some of these comments, by the way, they’re hilarious.) Not only is it important to be comfortable with your body, but it’s important to remember that comfort will radiate confidence while in bed with other people. Know your tools, be confident in their performance and rule the world.

Another reason to masturbate and be proud? It feels good. Release some endorphins, deal with your stress, get a good nights sleep. You can safely explore your obsession with same sex lovin’, midget orgies, domination and good ol’ threesomes. You don’t have to worry about your “O-Face” because no one is looking. You’re free to squeal like a hungry little chipmunk.

What are you supposed to do when you’re horny and your partner isn’t? And let’s be honest, you can’t always be bothered with, “Try going to the right.. a little harder, less grip… ” Repeatedly guiding your partner can get exhausting.. sometimes, we just want to orgasm.

It’s the year 2011, there are orgies going on all around you, couples swapping partners and an ever-growing market for fetishes. Get this: sexual pleasure is a pretty natural thing (watch this video of a monkey masturbating with a frog if you must) It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s been around for centuries and obviously hasn’t affected our ability to reproduce.

You’re going to have to embrace masturbation and accept it into your relationship. This means you don’t storm out angry or embarrassed if you accidentally walk in on your partner pleasuring themselves. You’re going to have to learn to separate fantasies from reality and know that the existence of masturbation is in no way a reflection of your sexual performance.

Him being pleasured by an Asian nun while watching two girls fool around= fantasy

When is masturbation a problem?

Whether you’re worried that your boyfriend secretly prefers blondes with implants or that you can’t please your girlfriend like a battery operated gadget can, you’ve got to accept that masturbation is an entity usually separate from your relationship. Usually. If it’s not, here’s a list of red flags:

• You’re getting blisters or hand cramps
• You choose masturbation over your partner, dancing in front of you in lingerie
• Your job, social life or your health is affected

How much is too much? Unfortunately, there will never be research that screams, “The answer is 74!” The reality is the definition of excessive masturbation is reliant on what is considered normal for the individual and how much damage, if any, it’s doing to your personal relationships. If your bills get paid, work gets done, pets get fed and you upkeep a healthy social life, you should be able to play with your one-eyed monster 100 times a day. It’s when your daily to-do list is interrupted and masturbation takes precedence over more important matters that you have to worry.

If you’re picking masturbation over your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you’re NOT a sexual fiend, you might want to reevaluate your situation. Are you still attracted to your partner? Is the intimacy still there? Better question, do you want it to be?

Masturbation and sexual expression are vital to a healthy relationship. Now, go find some porn and explore.

I obviously didn’t teach you how to masturbate. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed. But you’ll be glad to know we’re going to be talkin’ sex a lot more often on this site. I might lose a few readers.. but I’m betting I’ll gain a few thousand. We’ll see.

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Also, check out another good sex article: Introducing Fetishes

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