Usually, unless you’ve fucked your lover’s entire brigade of friends, you can expect a sugarcoated break-up. While not all break ups, even the sugarcoated ones, end with rainbows and butterflies, you can assume that the dumper will attempt to soften the blow as much as possible. Little do these assholes know, being dumped ‘nicely’ is a recipe for the potential development of severe psychosis.

Crap You’re Being Told

Here a few cliches being rubbed in your face as you watch your happily ever after fall from your tight little grasp. What could they mean?

• It’s not you, it’s me : I just don’t like you anymore.
• You deserve better : You should be with someone who can actually stand you & wants to fuck you. 
• Things are moving too quickly: You’re getting too attached and I don’t appreciate it.
• Our lives are heading in different directions: My penis is heading into a different vagina. (reverse for female doing the dumping)
• We need to go out there and LIVE: You bore the hell out of me. 
• I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you: Truth be told, I don’t know the difference. I’ve just heard this work in movies. 
• I think we’re just meant to be GREAT friends: I tried getting into your third nipple but I’m running out of people to fantasize about. 

Most of the time, you can be sure what they meant to say is the italicized version – either that or some sort of variation. It’s just a nice way of telling you, “I’m over it.” That, and the fact it makes the dumper feel a whole lot better about him/herself. (When you say something out loud enough, you can actually begin to believe it!)

There are times, however, that what you’re being told is actually the complete and utter truth. It’s possible not to be in the right mental state for a committment; sometimes things really do move at an uncomfortable pace; people have different ideas of what they want their lives to be like; life hasn’t been experienced yet; different kinds of emotions come into play; and sometimes, you really are just meant to be friends…

But you’re still getting dumped. 

Reality Slap

Being dumped means that, for whatever reason, that person doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Sometimes it’s just easier to be told the ugly truth – i.e. you’re a whore – than be fed a whole bunch of crap that will lead you to over analyze the situation. The more bullshit they feed you, the harder you’ll work on your power point presentation to get them back.

The problem is, people need to glorify their actions, justify hurting others and make themselves out to be the hero as often as possible. So you WILL get sugarcoated crap and it’s up to you to know that attempting to read between the lines is going to do more harm the good.

Take note of what works and what doesn’t… there will come a day that you’ll have to be the dumper; it’s the cycle of life.

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