The Honeymoon Phase – A Response
About a month ago, Nick The Dating Specialist guest blogged on ChiaraSays.com and wrote about ‘The Honeymoon Phase’. I’ve needed some time to let the article simmer.. and I think I’m ready to unleash my dragon on the matter.
When you meet someone new, your body behaves in ways you never dreamed possible: you sweat and your heart races, making you realize this is not something to fuck up. And without permission, you find yourself pushing your boobs out and if you’re a guy -or a testosteroned out girl- you find your arms randomly flexing, showcasing your goods. What’s going on? Your goal’s to make it happen, whatever you need to do.
Then you do, the chase is over and you embark on what is known as ‘the honeymoon phase‘. Electricity flows at a constant rate, you orgasm every time and peeing separately is too long of a time a part. Everything is exciting, your new lover can do no wrong and you’re certain you’ve never felt love like this before.
Inevitably, for the sake of our nervous systems, the excitement eases and we’re brought back down to earth. This is usually when you take note of your first pet peeve or you get into your first fight. Hey, we’re human. It doesn’t mean you’re destined to fail as a couple simply because you realize that he thinks cutting his toenails on the kitchen floor while talking to you is a normal thing to do.
Nick’s article was a bit PG/ Disney for my reader base but I approved it because it was what some of you needed to hear. And yes, there were a few cliches listed in the article but most were worth repeating because they’re often overlooked and forgotten. But for everyone that needs a little extra oomph on the subject… I’m always here for you too.
Accept The Phases of a Relationship
A relationship is a process; it follows its own path and has many different levels to hit before it’s considered fulfilled. There will be sexy, latin-lover-like nights and there will be nights that sleep just sounds better. There will be times you can’t stand one another and others that you’ll spend attached at the hip. Period. Remember that a constant honeymoon can drag you to the razor blade. We simply weren’t built for perpetual rainbows and butterflies.
It’s also worth noting that some sparks fizzle for a reason: your relationship has run its course. Rather than attempting seances, accept it for what it is and move on to the next honeymoon phase. I know where your mind’s at: you feel like you’ve invested everything you have in this relationship and you can’t just watch it die. I’m here to tell you that you can.
In the Spirit of Hope: Ways to keep the spark alive
- Don’t let yourself go: If you’re in too much of a rush to shave, fine; that’s a relationship perk. But you’d be surprised what a little shave here and there can do for your relationship. You wouldn’t wear a mini-skirt with a one inch fur coat on your legs to tempt your partner into asking you out on a second date, would you? Try to pretend you’re prepping for your first date as often as possible. And gentlemen, this goes for your greasy hair and “I’m too lazy to shower today” attitude. We wear sweats around the house, let’s put some jeans on for date night, shall we?
- It’s the little things: Surprise dinner? Flowers? Surprise mid-afternoon lap dance? Those were the fun things you did during the honeymoon phase. Don’t get sloppy. Ladies, wear something semi-cute to bed. It doesn’t have to be lingerie, just put your elmo shirt away. Gentlemen, little gifts, little surprises… bring them back. It can be as simple as a Ring Pop from the quarter machine, get creative.
- Emphasize what you’ve worked for: Yes, the little things matter. But wanna know what really helps this late in the game? Supporting one another. Play with the intimacy and connection it’s taken you so long to achieve. It’s sappy but at this point, there’s no quicker way to end a connection that lacking interest in your partner’s goals and ambitions.
- And last but not least: SEX. Sex WILL get boring. Keep the foreplay active, don’t get lazy. Best advice I can give? Go have a shot at a local bar and go to the closest, fully stocked, sex store near by -holding hands. You’ll be amazed at how amazing these places are! Before you know it, you’ll be asking the cashier where the double sided dildos are. You’ll be more than thrilled to head home and get your nasty on. If that’s too wild, try new moves. Buy a sex book (Amazon won’t judge you). Pop in your favorite sexy-time DVD and politely introduce it to your partner. The possibilities are endless!
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