You’re Being Led On
You meet them and things seem great; you could see yourself falling. Yet despite the attraction you feel, they’re not ready and want to take it slow. Sound familiar? Taking things slow is fine with you until you catch yourself questioning whether or not they’re even really interested in you. And so begins the painful realization that you’re being led on.
Signs You’re Being Led On
- You’re always the one who makes the effort to hang out, hardly ever the other way around
- You never get the first text unless they’re asking something of you
- When you do get a text or an effort it’s usually a lonely one -i.e. late enough for other plans to fall through or just a need to ‘cuddle’
- If you make a move, it’s too fast and if they do it, it’s just the right time; they call the shots on the pace of your relationship.
- Their behavior confuses you and when you ask them about it, they get defensive
- You notice the insane amount of excuses you’re always being fed
- The second you show a little lack of interest, you’re instantly fed a bit of rope to keep you wrapped up tight.
- You notice you’re always at their beck-n’-call.
Although there are other ‘dead’ giveaways that you’re being led on, these are the MAIN things to watch out for. If they’re not enough to convince you, ask your close friends… they’ll definitely have some extra input on the matter.
Why He/She is Leading You On
Once you realize you’re being used as a doormat, the next natural thought to pass through your mind is, But Why? There are many reasons people get off on wrapping others around their fingers, below are just a few:
- You could be the stand in until someone better comes along- no one likes to be lonely.
- They could genuinely NOT be ready, in which case they’ve got no business ‘dating’ around anyway.
- They need the ego boost; nothing more invigorating than having someone at your disposal
- You’re providing them with something they need -i.e. room and board, ride to work, an orgasm, emotional support, money.. etc.
Moving On and Letting Go
Unless you get off on being a doormat or a psycho over analyzing the most minute details, it’s probably in your best interest to move the hell on from this situation. But how the hell are you supposed to do that? You’re hooked!
To rid yourself of any doubt, approach the object of your affection and make your feelings known. Let them know how you feel and what it is you want, ideally, out of this ‘relationship’. Be careful not to make it sound like an ultimatum; instead defend your approach as an explanation for your behavior. If you still get fed bullshit, be it the same or something new, at least you won’t have to defend your walking away.
Know what you want:
Sometimes it helps to isolate what it is you really wanted in the first place. If, for example, you realize being together was your ultimate goal, them not being ready for a relationship kind of screws with your plans, does it not? People can have a genuine attraction but if the timing is wrong, giving it a premature shot could lead to disaster. Note: This does NOT mean wait around until they’re ‘ready’
Realize it’s out of your control:
After being patient and attentive and professing your love, you’ve really done everything you can. You can’t force someone into something they’re a) not ready for or b) don’t want. Give the person a day or two to think it over and then let the healing process begin.
Realize what you’re missing out on:
You’re the catch. The second you value yourself as that someone only worthy of being a ‘pending application’, you become it. While you’re waiting for someone who may or may not be sleeping with everyone but you, you’re missing out on meeting someone worthy of your love. Why invest in something that just keeps stealing your money and never giving anything back in return?
You’ll do everything in your power to justify this person’s behavior because the idea of them not being ready for a commitment sounds a lot better than them not wanting to be with you. And although there’s always a slight chance they’re telling the truth, 9 times out of 10, they’re not.
Suggested Related Article: Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back